In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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