its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
