So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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