i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
