I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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