I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
