i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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