Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
