cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
