so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
