Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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