i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
