I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
