She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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