Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
sex in a hospital.. check
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
