Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
