he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
