Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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