low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
