I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
