I cannot find my penis.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
