Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
