He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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