do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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