One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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