Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
