My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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