The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
