I wannas sexs uuuuu
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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