North Korea, Best Korea!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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