So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
