Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize