Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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