Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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