we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
