Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize