no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
