Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
