I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
