He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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