I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
