Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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