wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize