After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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