but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
