If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
