RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never underestimate the power of titties
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
