i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
