i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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