i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
