So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
