Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
