Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
