the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
