So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize