he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
