I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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