Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize