if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
