I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
