I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
