I am puke
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
