I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
