Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
