The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
