I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
