let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
