drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize