so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sex in a hospital.. check
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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