DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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