What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
