..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
