You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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