dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
