No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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