do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
