i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize