Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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