Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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