Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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