i need an iv and a liver transplant
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
