My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
