i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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