drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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