I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
